


Royal Pain

by Antigone2



Series: The Missing Prince [1]
Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-12 17:01:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18014831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antigone2/pseuds/Antigone2
Summary: They looked beautiful together, framed by the evening sun and the temple trees. Pure. Right.Watching them, Usagi felt as reprehensible as Beryl.





	1. Chapter 1

The rain pounded against the windshield violently; that and the rhythmic sound of the wipers the only break to the silence in the car. Usagi pulled her knees up to her chest, looking over at the driver to see if he'd respond to the audacity of her bare heels touching the pristine leather seats of his imported Italian car, but Mamoru was watching the road, not her.

In the water-drenched yellow of the highway street lamps, his profile was breathtaking, but Usagi knew this probably wasn't the time to be admiring his good looks, not when this freak summer storm had come out of nowhere, making the driving conditions less than ideal. It'd slowed their return to Tokyo so much that it was already dark and well past dinner time and they were still just barely over the mountains from Nagano. Still, she allowed herself a couple more moments of dreamily taking in his hair falling across his forehead, the perfect curve of his lips, his hands on the wheel and muscular forearms where his button-down shirt sleeves were rolled up to just before his elbow.

Usagi sighed, pressing her head back against the seat and looking out into the inky darkness. "How much longer?" she said. "I'm hungry."

"You mean, 'are we there yet?'" he said, teasing. She made a face at him and, infuriatingly, he didn't even glance over to see it.

Usagi pulled a wayward strand of hair in front of her eyes and twisted it into a curl. The air conditioning was too high and it made her chilly in her skimpy floral romper. "You know what I mean," she huffed.

She wondered if he was wishing Rei was his passenger instead, like she was two days ago. Stunning, dark-haired Rei who was so good at hiding her true prickly nature beneath slow, mature smiles. Rei was one of Usagi's best friends and she loved her with all her heart, and knew Rei could be as immature, spiteful and jealous as Usagi herself, but she was just so much better at hiding it. Especially around Mamoru.

A gust of wind blew the rain hard against the window, and Usagi flinched. Mamoru's hand moved from the wheel to the stick shift, changing gears as he maneuvered the car through a slick patch of water-covered highway. Then he moved his hand to her shoulder, warm fingers squeezing gently, comfortingly, on the goosebumped skin her sleeveless top left exposed.

"It's okay, Usa," he said, before putting his hand back on the wheel.

She swallowed, forcing herself not to rub at the spot he just touched.

A lighted sign moved past her window like a ghost, fading into the rain and darkness, and a thoughtful expression crossed Mamoru's eyes. "I think we should stop for the night," he said, eyes flicking to the clock on the dashboard. "Finish this drive in the light of day, and hopefully on drier roads."

* * *

72 hours earlier

Usagi was the last to arrive at Rei's. She always was, even now that she'd graduated from school, left behind detention and homework. Somehow the trains always seemed to slip away from the station just as she stumbled through the turnstiles, the buses turning the corner as she reached the stop, the 'don't walk' signs blinking as she hit the intersection.

If the moon had any mystic control over happenings on Earth, it certainly didn't seem to cut its princess any breaks, that's for sure.

Minako greeted her with a kind smile that was half-warning, but she didn't need it to pick up on the mood in the room. The two cats were sitting with Ami in front of a laptop, a pinging on the screen. Usagi didn't have to ask what that meant. They'd found a possible location.

"Late again, Usagi?" Rei said, shaking her head. "Honestly!" To her left, Makoto gave Usagi a kind wink.

"There was a train delay!" Usagi whined.

"A train delay that served venti Frappuccinos, Odango Atama?" She heard the smirk in Mamoru's voice even before she turned to where he was seated against the wall, one long leg stretched out in front of him, the other bent at the knee, his arm resting against it. He gestured to the iced drink in her hand, from which she had been sipping as she'd skipped up the steps of the shrine.

Okay, so sometimes the trains and buses and streetlights weren't the only reasons she wasn't punctual.

"Shut up, Mamoru-baka," she said, sticking her tongue out at him. She whirled her head around quickly, before she could see the spark in his too-blue eyes, her hand suddenly gripping the cold plastic of the cup a bit too tightly.

Taking a seat next to Minako, and another long sip of her drink, Usagi looked at the computer screen, pretending to understand what she saw.

"So, there have been some spikes in strange power readings near Zenkoji Temple," Luna was saying.

"Nagano?" Makoto asked, leaning forward slightly. "Mmm, soba."

Usagi shared a smile with her friend.

"It could be nothing, but the temple is a very holy site, and the mountains are ancient and powerful," Artemis said. "Very connected to the Earth."

Usagi nodded, swallowing another too-big, too-cold sip of her drink. Her skin prickled on the back of her neck, as if she could feel Mamoru's eyes on her.

"So you think maybe… Endymion…" Ami's voice was almost awed. Usagi kept her eyes on the computer screen, not really seeing it, as all faces swiveled toward hers as if expecting a reaction.

"Try not to get your hopes up," Luna said, kindly, nudging her feline head against Usagi's knee. "We've had false alarms before."

Usagi nodded again, taking another sip of her drink to avoid saying anything. Endymion. She should feel something, she told herself, sternly. According to the legend, he was willing to die for her. Thousands of years ago, thousands of miles away, on the cold rock of the dying moon. A handsome prince she'd never met, in love with the soul of a dead princess she carried like a heavy chain.

If anything, she felt guilt. Guilt and responsibility. Beryl had sneered that she'd sealed Endymion away - in eternal sleep - and he'd never be found. One last villainous victory before she was destroyed in a wash of Silver Crystal power wielded by the hands of her great enemy's reborn daughter.

And now it was up to that reborn princess - and her senshi - to find the sleeping prince and wake him. To have him confirm Mamoru's true identity, which he'd been searching for all this time, too. Was he truly a Shitennou, one of Endymion's sworn protectors who had managed to escape Beryl's grasp? It seemed by far the most likely explanation.

Finding Endymion was Mamoru's duty as well. To find him, rescue him. Reunite him with his true love.

It made something inside Usagi want to break. Here, in this lifetime, Tuxedo Kamen had been willing to die for her, too.

* * *

The business hotel was lit up in the night, a strange beacon. Mamoru pulled into the lot and put the car into park. The rain was pounding, thunder rumbling far in the distance. Usagi clenched her hands into fists, counted slowly to ten and tried to slow her heart.

She heard the click of the seatbelt, the shift of fabric against leather as Mamoru turned to face her. "Usako," he started, voice quiet and too kind and she knew, just knew what he was going to say, and she slipped her feet into her sandals in preparation. "I'm so sorry we didn't find Endym-"

She'd opened the door into the drenching rain and headed into the lobby of the hotel before he could finish his sentence.

* * *

72 hours earlier

"So it's decided then. Rei and Mamoru will head up to Nagano as soon as possible." If Luna had had hands, she should have brushed them together in a 'there that's done' gesture. "They can send for the rest of us if they find anything of note."

Usagi's stomach knotted up tightly. It certainly made the most sense that the two most powerful psychics (well, one powerful psychic and one empath with location-based telekinesis, Usagi mentally corrected) should lead this mission.

"Did you want to drive or take the train?" Rei asked Mamoru, as they stood to gather their things.

"I can drive," he said, slinging his messenger bag over his shoulder. Rei walked with him out of the temple doors and part way down the steps.

"We should definitely stop for something to eat on the way-"

They looked beautiful together, framed by the evening sun and the temple trees. Pure. Right.

Watching them, Usagi felt as reprehensible as Beryl.

"Usagi," Minako's voice was gentle, her hand on Usagi's arm.

"I don't want to talk about it," Usagi mumbled, tossing her empty cup into the nearby trash can.

"Usa-"

"I _said_ I don't want to talk about it!" Her voice rose and echoed through the grounds, making Rei and Mamoru stop and turn to look at her, a flock of ravens rising from the trees.

Shaking her head, she walked quickly and purposefully down the steps, attempting with every fiber of her being to channel the princess she'd apparently been in the past. She pushed between Rei and Mamoru, not allowing her breath to catch as her arm brushed against his chest, the buttons on his shirt against her bare skin. Then she bounded down the steps and was gone.

It was Minako who suggested to Luna that it surely made sense to have the princess in Nagano with them. And that Usagi's foul mood was definitely due to being left out of such an important mission. Minako and Usagi ended up taking the bullet train up the next day, and meeting up with Rei and Mamoru in Nagano.

But there was no sign that Endymion was locked in some supernatural sleep in some hidden kingdom of Elysion. At least not in snow country, anyway.

It was Minako again, albeit with that knowing, sad, warning look in her eyes, that arranged to have Rei and her take the train back to Tokyo, and for Mamoru to drive Usagi home.

* * *

Usagi squeezed the water out of a pigtail, watching it puddle on the floor as she pressed the payphone's cradle to hang up with the call with her parents, and started to dial the cell phone Minako's studio provided her. Mamoru stood at the front desk, talking with the clerk there. The hotel was small, a typical business hotel, made for salarymen on their way to and from Tokyo. It wasn't fancy but it was better than hydroplaning off the road, Usagi supposed.

Usagi was just hanging up with Minako as Mamoru walked toward her, one hand in his pocket and the other holding out a key. "Here," he said, dropping in her outstretched hand.

It was a single metal key with a blue triangle indicating the room number, on the fifth floor. Probably really the fourth floor, Usagi thought, wondering at the omen.

"Where are you gonna be?" she asked and he shrugged.

"They only had one room left, so I suppose I'll sleep in my car."

The anger was white hot and sudden, like the lightning strikes outside and she was sure he saw it flash in her eyes. "Oh, I'm _sorry_ , is the idea of sharing a room with me so terrible, you'd rather cramp yourself up in a bucket seat all night?" She snapped. Taking his hand in hers - and stubbornly ignoring the smooth warmth of his skin - she pulled his fingers open and slammed the key into his palm. "Take the room, _I'll_ sleep in the car, you absolute…. _baka_!" Usagi stuck her nose in the air and made to turn and march righteously toward the exit, when she felt Mamoru grab her wrist.

"Okay, okay, Usa." His voice was shaking with poorly hidden laughter, his mouth fighting that condescending smirk she knew so well, eyes glittering in that amused way she was so used to, that way she so desperately wanted to hate. "You've made yourself clear, Princess." His fingers were still looping around her wrist, so warm against her skin, his slightly damp hair falling into his face as he bent slightly to be more level with her smaller frame. His shirt had water spots on it, from the rain. He let his hand fall from her skin, his voice a familiar teasing baritone, "Let's get you to your royal chambers, shall we?"

* * *

The room was almost comically small. The short doorway genkan couldn't fit both Usagi and Mamoru at once, the hall had a door into a small toilet/shower combo on their right and then opened into an area with a bed, desk and window cramped together as if the room had grown around the furniture organically, like some sort of shell. There was no other way Usagi could imagine it could have gotten inside the room.

It was also stifling hot, after the air conditioning of the car. The air was humid and thick, hard to breathe.

Mamoru put his small duffle bag down under the desk, and Usagi dropped hers on the bed. He was so close behind her, she could feel the warmth of his skin like static along her back.

"Should I go see if I can find some food?" he said. "There was a Family Mart next to the lobby."

"Let's go," she said, pulling his hand and sliding by him to be the first toward the door - in the tight space the action required pressing chest to chest for a brief moment, in which Usagi was reminded of his height, his slenderness, the constant warmth of his body.

It was over all too soon and as she slipped her feet into her still-damp sandals, Usagi scanned her body for any injuries or maladies or anything she could mention to him. It was abhorrent, she knew, and she pushed the guilt away because maybe she _was_ a little stiff from sitting the car for so long.

"Uh, Mamo-chan? Real quick though… my neck kinda hurts?" she said, pressing her hand to the top of her spine and wincing. "I think from the car ride? Do you think you could…?"

* * *

She'd twisted her ankle pretty badly in Nagano. Usagi herself even had to admit it was only a matter of time, on those cobblestone streets outside the temple, between ooh-ing and aah-ing over the vendor's items and the snacks for sale, that she'd stumble over her own feet and land wrong. The pain was sharp, and immediate, and she'd cried out, clutching her tender ankle.

Rei had rolled her beautiful violet eyes, but knelt to help her up anyway, Usagi's bare arm across a waterfall of the silkiest black hair. Minako quickly rushed to take the other side, wrapping an arm around Usagi's waist, and helping her hop to the side of the road - wisely keeping any rabbit-related puns to herself. With the girls already helping Usagi, Mamoru had simply knelt to pick up Usagi's abandoned sandal and joined them on a nearby bench where Usagi was busy biting her lip and examining her injury through the blur of unshed tears.

"Ugh, baka Usagi," Rei said, rolling her eyes. "Can we go one trip without you injuring yourself?"

"Ha, well Usagi took a trip…"

"Minako, _honestly_?"

While the girls bickered above her, Mamoru knelt and gently touched her ankle, thumb sliding down the front, fingers pressing into the sides. His healing power felt like heat, mostly, with some tingles that reminded Usagi of her mother pushing her hair back from her forehead when she was sick as a child, and a shuddering in her chest that was wholly new. It was a bit like using the Silver Crystal and a little like falling asleep and lot like something she couldn't quite remember but deeply wanted to.

He looked up at her, his eyes a darker blue than usual, his gaze soft and intense and beautiful and perfect and Usagi never wanted anything in the world more than she wanted to lean down and catch those lips with hers and kiss him and kiss him and never stop.

"Better?" he asked, and her throat was too tight to do anything but nod.

She stood as he put the sandal back on her foot, like Cinderella and her prince, Usagi thought for a moment, but the thought of a prince made her recoil inside and she stumbled, slightly, and steadied herself by clutching at Mamoru's head, her fingers twisting in his hair, for just a moment that seemed to last both far too long and far too short. His fingers lingered on her calf, her hands in his hair, the lively sights and sounds of Nagano in summer swirling around them.

Rei took Usagi's hands, away from him, toward her, steading her and brushing back her pigtails and straightening her sundress and nodding with a very un-Rei-like encouraging smile. "There," she said, in a too-cheerful voice, "all better."

Minako turned from where she was talking with Mamoru and gave Usagi a dazzling smile. "Let's go."

* * *

In the stifling hotel room, standing in front of the closed door, Mamoru standing behind her - too close, not close enough - Usagi pressed the spot on her neck that was only the slightest bit uncomfortable, shifted her head side to side like it hurt more than it did.

Without a word, Mamoru pressed his fingers to her neck, where some wayward baby hairs had escaped from the part of her pigtails, curling in the damp. He ran his thumbs down her spine, his breath on her skin, the warmth spreading to her muscles, her scalp and down her entire body until she wasn't sure what was his power and what was the mere effect of his touch because it was everywhere and she let out something between a whimper and a sigh.

Her body listed back against his, and his hands were now hovering over her arms, not touching, and maybe he wasn't breathing and she was breathing too hard and were those his lips against the top of her head…

But it was then suddenly that he reached around her and opened the door and the hallway was bright and cool and loud with rain, and Mamoru's voice sounded like Rei's did, back in Nagano, uncharacteristically upbeat. "Shall we get some dinner?"

* * *

Usagi was in her element in the convenience store, grabbing packaged sweets and pudding treats and ice cream, throwing them into the basket Mamoru carried as he walked beside her. She picked up some ridiculously sweet coffee drink sealed up in plastic wrap, handing it to Mamoru graciously. "You'll want this tomorrow morning I'm sure."

She noticed he put it back and picked up a couple cans of black Suntory coffee, but didn't bother to be offended. She pointed out which meat buns and fried chicken and cheese sticks she wanted to the cashier, who pulled them from the heater and added them to the massive haul which Usagi insisted on throwing some crumbled bills on the counter for, even as Mamoru paid with his credit card.

Back in the room, Usagi, never one to stand on ceremony, spread the mass of treats all over the bed, turned the small TV on some stupid variety show for background noise and sat cross legged next to Mamoru, focusing on conversation and banter, not mentioning anything to do with past lives, princesses, or the fact that her knee was brushing his - and neither moved away.

Later on, in the bathroom, she breathed in the scent of the soap Mamoru had used in the shower as she changed into the pajamas she'd worn the night before, in the Nagano inn with Rei and Minako. The floor was wet and Mamoru had hung his towel neatly on the door hanger and Usagi splashed ice cold water on her face until she couldn't feel her cheeks. She unbound her hair and let it fall in stubborn, tangled waves down her back. In this tiny hotel room, in this storm, looking in the mirror fogged from the steam of Mamoru's shower, Usagi never felt less like a princess, never wanted to feel less like one.

When she re-entered the room, it appeared to be empty. "Mamoru?" she called, inching her way along the wall by the bed, turning sideways in order to fit between the desk and the end of the bed by the window. It was there she saw him, on the floor, pillow tucked beneath his head, looking ridiculous cramped between the other side of the bed and the wall, his broad shoulders barely able to fit, his long legs bent at the knee.

"What the heck are you doing?!" The words tumbled from her mouth in an annoyed rush, her mouth dropping open in something a little like shock, a little like anger, and a lot like rejection.

"I thought I'd let you have the bed."

"Wh- why wou- Mamo-chan, you are the most idiotic, stupid, ridiculous person why would you even think to sleep on the gross floor just for … for what?!"

Mamoru's expression told her that her reaction was entirely expected and almost amusing to him, and all that did was make her want to scream and cry and claw his gorgeous eyes out because how could he smirk up at her like she was some adorable kitten throwing a fit about nothing when this keeping her at arm's length was driving her crazy and hurting her and would he have shared a bed with Rei?!

Before she knew what she was doing, she'd grabbed a pillow off the bed - a small, uncomfortable business hotel pillow - and threw it at him. He lifted his arms to protect himself, laughing a little in shock. "Usa-!"

"How dare you! What is wrong with you!?" She shimmied down from the bed to squeeze next to him, lifting the pillow again and hitting him with it.

There was no room, not at all, even for her small frame, and she was practically on top of him, her hair was everywhere, all over them and smelling like rain and outside since she hadn't bothered to wash it. He smelled like the soap from the bathroom, like clean and spice and Mamoru.

He caught her arms to end the onslaught, hands sliding down her arms and when her hands slipped so easily into his - fingers interlocking without a thought - he quickly dropped her hands and sat up a little.

"Usa-" he said. "It's just because… you know, for propriety's sake."

She sniffled, wiping her nose on the back of her wrist and knowing what a mess she looked and not caring because, well, let her outside match her inside - bedraggled and lost and so utterly, utterly fucked up over him. "I don't know what that means," she said.

Usagi shifted herself up to lean against the edge of the bed. "You're awful and mean and I hate you," she informed him, and he raised an eyebrow at her.

"Excuse me, but who assaulted whom with a pillow just now?"

"If you sleep on the floor I'm sleeping on the floor with you, so move over." She wiggled in next to him, causing some "oofs" and cringes as elbows hit rib-cages and knees ran into hips and someone's head bonked into the wall.

"Usagi," he groaned, pushing his palm into his forehead. "Why are you like this?"

"Like what?" she said, voice constricted by the odd angle she had to hold her head to keep it from hitting the metal mattress frame. She shifted so her head rested on his chest. Much better. His t-shirt was soft under her fingertips, and she could hear his heartbeat in her ear and maybe this wasn't so bad after all… sure her legs were falling asleep but her crotch was pressed against his hip, so who needed feeling in their legs anyway? She felt Mamoru sigh, deeply, in that long-suffering way that she recognized to mean she'd won.

"Okay, okay," he said. He gave her a crooked smile. "You've made your point."

She wrinkled her nose as he pressed his finger to it, gently. There was too much big-brother in that action, too much 'you are adorable', too much 'cute little bunny' and it made her bristle because she was sick of alternating between the cute little girl and the tragic, untouchable princess in his eyes.

And she knew it would be grossly unfair to ask for him to see her any other way. Who was she to have the audacity to ache with want for him? He was meant to protect her, to keep her safe as some sort of promise to a long-dead prince in a kingdom he didn't remember.

But all that was all so far removed from a cramped hotel miles from their city home, in a room that was dim more than dark, the light under the door and from the alarm clock and parking lot street lamps leaking through the ill-fitting curtains creating a gray cast over everything.

The bed seemed even smaller once they were both in it, and Usagi felt like the energy radiating from his body was reaching out to caress hers, even if they weren't physically touching.

Restless, Usagi was kicking off her duvet in the summer heat, flinging her arm out and hitting Mamoru's muscular shoulder, feeling him catch her hand in his to stop another onslaught of her flailing limbs.

His hand was large around hers, long fingers curling around her hand protectively, delicately. Goosebumps rose on her skin.

"You always sleep like an eggbeater?"

"I can't sleep." She didn't mean her voice to come out as a whine, but it did anyway. Usagi shifted to her side, moving carefully so as to not jar their entwined hands, worried he'd pull away if she so much as breathed wrong.

She could see his eyes, watching hers in that silent, observant Mamoru-way of his.

"My neck didn't really hurt that much before," Usagi said. "I'm sorry. It just feels nice. When you… to be healed." She flexed her fingers around his, in anticipation of him pulling his hand away. He didn't.

"Try to sleep, okay?" His voice was soft and it made her eyes prick with frustrated tears.

She wasn't going to sleep, not with him next to her, not with his body mere inches away, not in this heat, not with this storm - both outside and raging inside her.

"You first," Usagi challenged, automatically, and the bed shook a little with what she recognized as that breathy laughter that he only does around her.

"That's not happening," he said, and then paused like he didn't mean to say that.

"'Cause I'm an eggbeater?"

And then he laughed again, for real, dropping her hand to press both his hands to his forehead, and there was something beneath his laugh, something like a break.

Usagi raised herself to her knees, leaned over him, poking him in the chest. "Hey! I wasn't trying to joke!"

"I know," he said, pressing his palms into his eyes. "I know, Odango Atama. I know."

"Stop laughing at me!" she said. "Stop it!" And he pulled his hands away from his face when her voice broke and tears came to her eyes. "Am I just a joke to you?!"

"No!" He lifted himself up on his elbows, shaking his head.

Usagi knew she was overreacting, knew she was being a baby, but it was late, she was tired and beyond that she was exhausted - emotionally, mentally.

"You aren't a joke to me, Usako," he said, softly, hand resting gently on the side of her head. "Okay?"

"I know," she said, thickly. Looking at her hands and not at him. "I'm Sailor Moon, the Moon Princess and perpetual screw up Tsukino Usagi. To you." She gave a watery smile to her hands, still not looking at him. "You are very nice to me. It's fine."

She said this because it was easier than meeting his eyes and seeing sympathy, because it hurt her and it wouldn't hurt him and she deserved it, she said it because it was the truth and maybe she needed reminding: "I'm sure Prince Endymion will be pleased at how well you've cared for me."

His hand in her hair clentched into a fist. It didn't hurt, but it was enough for her to look up, shocked, and the expression in his eyes in the dim light was something she'd seen before, reflected in the mirror during her darkest moments.

In the span of a breath, he'd pulled her to him, and it was with a ferocious, unthinking inevitability that she kissed him.


	2. Chapter 2

There wasn't room to think - Usagi didn't _want_ to leave any room to think - after pressing her lips to Mamoru's. It was immediate, frantic - his hands curling through her hair, angling her face toward his for better access. His lips opened under hers, tongue delving into her mouth - and _god, yes,_ he tasted like he smelled, she thought, spicy, warm, sweet like chocolate. Their kisses were sloppy, rushed, a frenzy of teeth and tongue, breaths coming in sharp, frantic gasps.

She kissed him to swallow him, overwhelm him, consume him like he'd been consuming her every waking thought since he threw that first rose so many years ago.

His hands slid down her back, turning slightly so that Usagi found herself back against the pillows again. She wound one leg around his waist, and he moaned into her mouth. He slipped his hand under her pajama top, his palm hot on her skin.

Usagi's hands clumsily, hurriedly pulled at his shirt, until he helped her lift it up over his head and fling it aside. Then for a moment they broke apart and their eyes met in a moment of clarity.

Mamoru sat up, and his eyes widened, lips falling open slightly, and Usagi couldn't help thinking he was so beautiful with that black fringe of hair falling over his forehead, the beads of sweat above his upper lip, the planes of his bare chest heaving like he'd run a marathon.

"Usa-," he started. He moistened his lips with his tongue and just that small action made Usagi want to split apart at the seams. "Are... you -" He looked so panicked, so unsure and in those few seconds in the oppressive darkness of the room Usagi felt what it must be like to have her heart actually crack.

"Oh my god," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."

What was she _thinking? What had she done?_

Mamoru shook his head, hesitantly reaching a hand out and then pulling it back slightly. "No, don't-" he started, but she'd already burst into tears.

Usagi shook her head, wildly, reaching for him, throwing her arms around him, shutting her eyes against the burning behind her lids. She squeezed him so tightly she felt him wince, but didn't budge or let him go. Her loose hair engulfed them, her hair - her precious safety net, her shield - now surrounding him too, falling around his back and arms, almost white in the dim light, against the olive of his skin. Her tears were hot, pooling against his bare shoulder. "Don't hate me."

To her infinite relief, his arms came up too, in a gentle embrace, hand stroking her head tenderly.

"Oh, Usa," he murmured into her hair. "There's literally nothing you could do that could make me hate you."

To his credit, Mamoru continued to hold her as Usagi calmed her hiccuping sobs, slowly stopped her crying.

As she tried to forget that panicked, horrified look in his eyes when he realized what they'd done.

He didn't want her. Not that way. Not enough. Nor should he! How could she ask him to?

Stupid, reckless, silly Usagi always acting without thinking, always jumping without looking. The senshi and Tuxedo Kamen always had to rescue her because she'd follow her heart into the simplest of the Dark Kingdom traps, and now, in day-to-day life she'd still ended up depending on Ami's logic or Rei's cynicism or Makoto's street smarts to keep her from bumbling into disaster after disaster.

But none of them were here to save her from doing something so astronomically stupid as to throw herself at her damn protector, the one man she wanted more than anything in the world and the one she couldn't have.

So selfish. So wanting. But nothing she'd tried could erase this longing for him that threatened to burn her alive before they even found this prince who was supposed to hold her heart.

Mamoru's arms were trembling, but she was grateful he didn't let her go, even as she fell asleep.

* * *

About 7 hours earlier

"So Mamoru will drive you back," Minako said, snapping her gum. "Rei and I are taking the train."

"And you're sure?" Usagi said around the hairpin in her mouth, trying for the third time to get her left hair bun to just stay put. The summer humidity was wreaking havoc on her and she didn't bring any hairspray and this Nagano inn didn't have mirrors so she was lying on the tatami mat floor on her belly trying to do her hair in Rei's folding mirror. It didn't help that the idea of driving with Mamoru for three hours or more kept making her hands all shaky.

"Of course," Minako shrugged. "For one thing, the train we already have two return tickets for leaves in like... now and _we're_ the two ones who are ready."

It was true. Except for the mirror, which Rei had told Usagi to just go ahead and take with her, Rei was all packed up in her smart little day bag, and Minako's giant bright orange wheeled suitcase and matching hat box were waiting by the waxed paper doors. Their taxi was already there to drive them to the station. Usagi's stuff was still scattered all over the room.

"We'd miss the train if we had to wait on you and your bizarre commitment to that hairstyle," Rei said, kicking Usagi's foot and making her hand and a lock of golden hair fall into her face.

"Reeeeeiiiiii," Usagi whined. She almost snapped back that there was a train to Tokyo every hour or so, so none of this really mattered, did it? But then she thought that maybe that information would make them change their minds about the driving situation so she swallowed her comeback as the girls shouted their good-byes and left.

When she finally made it out, all packed, hair finally behaving in two very usual odango'ed pigtails, her duffel bag only slightly bulging with all the things she haphazardly crammed into it (including souvenirs and lots of treats), Mamoru was already waiting by his car, hands in his pockets.

"Hi-," she said, stumbling out into the heat, and raising a hand to the glare of the sun. She was slightly disappointed Mamoru was wearing his dark colored shades, so she couldn't read the expression in his eyes - amusement or annoyance or indifference. Or if he noticed how little fabric she was wearing in the summer heat. Usagi threw her bag in the tiny back seat and clambered in the car in an ungraceful scramble of arms and legs.

"Careful of your shoes!" Mamoru said, and she could tell by his tone he was only mostly joking. She stuck out her tongue in response.

"Right, no shoes on the leather, don't breathe too hard on the seats…" she said, as he entered the driver's side and sat down. "I shouldn't even sit down, I should just levitate right here above the seat. Is that what Rei did?"

"The rules are simple and reasonable: no shoes on the leather, no smoking, no food…"

Usagi made a tortured moan and threw her head back onto the seat. "No food?! But this trip is _hours_ and _hours_!"

"How will you survive?" he smirked, putting the car into gear and flooring it out of the parking spot, spinning the wheel to swing the car in a wide arc and come smoothly to a stop at the exit.

She shrieked and grabbed her seatbelt, pulling it around her with a mock-glare at him. He turned to her and quirked an eyebrow over the rim of his sunglasses and revved the engine. Usagi made a big show of clicking in her seatbelt. Then he peeled out onto the road so fast she shrieked a bit, pressing her hand to the window to steady herself.

"Handprints," Mamoru tsk'ed at her, grinning.

"Baka," she muttered, crossing her arms and mock-pouting. "At least I'm not a … menace on the roads!"

"Being called menace by Tsukino Usagi, scourge of the Tokyo sidewalks," Mamoru said, shifting the gear and changing lanes, driving carefully now that there were other cars on the road, "is either very harsh, or a high honor."

"I swear it's really only ever you that I tend to crash into," Usagi protested, wiggling her feet out of her sandals. She sensed rather than saw Mamoru look over at her.

"Lucky me."

* * *

Usagi awoke to the ringing of the room's phone, the front desk reminding her that check-out time was at 10am, which she found ridiculously early. Sunlight was creeping through behind the curtains - the storm must have been long over.

The clock on the nightstand said 9:27. A note scribbled next to it informed her that Mamoru would meet her in the lobby. He'd already packed and left the room, the only sign he was there besides the note he'd left was the empty coffee drinks sitting neatly in the trash can, and his scent lingering on Usagi's skin.

Usagi's eyes felt like sandpaper and she rubbed the salty tear tracks off her face and stumbled into the bathroom, turning the hot water in the shower on full blast.

Afterward, she dug out the sundress from the first day in Nagano, -a little wrinkled but wearable- and shrugged it on, then brushed every single tangle from her hair until it gleamed and twisted it into a tight, perfect odango'ed style. With a deep, shuttering breath she examined herself in the mirror. Her eyes were a little bloodshot, her skin a little sallow, but she could lift her chin and smile. That was certainly something she'd always been able to do before, in her life, no matter what.

For a moment her fingers lingered on the small bruised spot on her neck, her lip trembling a bit. There was nothing in her luggage to hide a hickey, and she briefly wondered if Mamoru's healing power extended to embarassing marks he'd left on her skin during frantic moments of deep regret. Probably best not to ask him.

The phone rang again, the front desk calling to tell her to get the hell out, she supposed, so Usagi grabbed her stuff and left the room behind without a backward glance.

* * *

"You got _more_ coffee?" Even Usagi couldn't believe those were the first words to him after practically attacking him by shoving her tongue down his throat and then crying herself to sleep in his arms the previous night.

But sure enough, Mamoru was standing in the lobby, with his sunglasses already on, styrofoam cup of coffee from a popular donut chain clutched in his hand like a lifeline. "Good morning to you too, Odango Atama," he said, shaking his head with a small half-smile. He held out a small bag from the same donut place, and Usagi's eyes widened in relief and gratitude.

"Oh _god_ ," she half-sighed, half-cried, reaching for the bag. "I haven't eaten anything all day!" (Considering she'd woken up less than an hour ago notwithstanding.) Usagi promptly sat down at one of the plastic chairs set up around the waiting area and started unceremoniously shoving a glazed lemon donut into her mouth. She shut her eyes, savoring the comforting and familiar embrace of carbs and sugar, licking the last of the glaze off her lips. There was a second donut in the bag and she offered it to Mamoru, and at the shake of his head she gleefully started in on it, too.

"I checked out already," Mamoru was saying, and Usagi nodded.

"Remind me and the girls to pay you back next meeting," she said through a mouthful of donut. She may have been imagining the slight hint of color that spread across his cheeks as he cleared his throat a little, holding up his hand and shaking his head in a clear 'don't worry about it' gesture.

Quickly, she looked back down at the donut in her hands, trying not to look too hard at Mamoru, because she knew she'd only be searching for details that weren't there. Overthinking. Memorizing. Obsessing.

He was clothed in slacks and a black t-shirt (and she quickly banished the thought that the feel of his chest and stomach could never be erased from the memory of her fingertips no matter how many layers of clothing he put between them), sipping his coffee from the lidded cup with his other hand casually in his pocket as he leaned against the windowed wall of the lobby. With the sunglasses masking his eyes, she couldn't tell where he was looking.

There was a general din of people coming and going; check-out time was busy and last night's storm had filled the hotel with unexpected travelers like themselves. A family with a small child walked past Usagi as she finished the last donut, and the little boy broke into a huge smile and waved. Usagi smiled and waved back. She usually had that effect on kids - she thought it was probably the hairstyle. Or maybe her face was covered in donut crumbs. Rei always suggested that it was probably that children recognized one of their own - it hadn't really been meant as a compliment.

"Thanks for the donuts," Usagi said, crumbling the paper bag and throwing it in the trash can near where Mamoru stood. As she turned to retrieve her duffle, she caught the scent of his shampoo, and the reality of the situation slammed into her like a freight train.

She'd kissed him. She'd _more_ than kissed him. And worse, she would never be able to kiss him again. The truth sent her realing a bit and she stumbled forward, tripping over her own feet, and of course Mamoru caught her, defty, easily, even with his non-dominant arm while the other hand still held his half-drunk cup of coffee.

Usagi steadied herself by grasping his upper arm, ignoring the enticing swell of his bicep under his t-shirt. His arm was around her waist, pulling her upright. For a moment, they were pressed together, and all she could see in his eyes was her damn reflection in his mirrored sunglasses. The last of her donut seemed caught in her throat, and without thinking she reached out and grabbed the coffee from his other hand, putting the lidded top to her mouth and taking a few lukewarm sips of the bitter liquid.

Unlike her, he didn't take whipped cream and caramel and and all the sugar Starbucks could cram into an iced confection and still call it "coffee", but it did the trick. She no longer felt like her throat was closing, and Mamoru's hand released her waist slightly.

"Are you ok?" he murmured and she nodded quickly, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and handing back his cup, not bothering to avoid brushing his fingers as she did so. They were still standing too close together, his hand was still resting against her lower back, her fingertips were still lingering on the hem of his short sleeve.

"Thanks," she said, almost hoarsely.

"Did you want the rest?" he asked, and she shook her head, finally stepping away from him, turning to get her bag.

"You finish it," she said. The taste lingered in her mouth. She didn't turn to watch him finish the coffee, drinking from the same place she'd had her lips just moments before, as if that counted, as if these things even mattered anymore.

* * *

They were barely out of the parking lot before Usagi couldn't stand the silence in the car anymore.

"So, are we even going to talk about it, or…?" She shifted in her seat and watched Mamoru shift gears as he came to a red light. His hands tightened slightly on the steering wheel.

"Yes," he said, clearing his throat a bit. "Yes, of course we…" He trailed off as the light turned green and he saw the flashing lights down by the highway entrance.

Usagi peered around him through the driver's side window to see a downed tree blocking the on-ramp, police and workman crews already swarming the area to clean it up. An officer waved and Usagi lowered her window.

"It's a foreign car," Usagi explained, when the officer looked in, confused to see a passenger and not a driver. The policeman nodded, still looking a bit confused, but explained to them that the entrance was closed due to the storm the night before, and explained a detour they'd have to take to pick up the highway a few miles down, in the next town. Usagi hoped Mamoru could hear, because she quickly lost track of the directions.

For a while Mamoru concentrated on how to get out of town, then, when they were on a long, empty stretch of road through some rice paddies and farmland, he finally spoke.

"Usa, I don't regret anything but," he shifted his hands on the wheel, "it probably shouldn't…," he shook his head a bit, cleared his throat, "it can't happen again."

It wasn't anything she hadn't told herself a thousand times since the previous night but it still felt like a gut punch. She took a quick inhale and cursed Beryl, Endymion, Serenity and most of all Mamoru with all the burning in her throat. It hurt to swallow but she did anyway, around the words rising up in her throat.

"Of course it can't," she snapped. "I'm not…" The blue of the summer sky and the green of the rice fields all seemed to blur into the same tearfilled mess.

"It's just," she said, "it's _you_ , you know?" Her voice was hoarse. Barely a whisper. "It's always been you. Since that first night, at Naru's store. Since you mocked me for my test grade. Since the first time you called me 'Odango Atama'. It's you, it's _only you_ , and I can't make it _stop_."

The air was heavy with her admission, the first time she'd ever spoken the words out loud. Her deeply guarded secret, kept so not out of shame but out of reverence, because to speak it would to tarnish it.

Once she spoke it, this love would be something to break, something to forbid, to ruin.

"I must mean _something_ to you," she choked out, unbuckling her seatbelt and turning to face him, knees on the leather seats, handprint on the window as she braced herself against it. "Besides being some ghost of a princess, some duty to your past life!"

He pulled over to the side of the road quickly after she'd unbuckled, removing his sunglasses and running his hands through his hair, palms massaging his forehead for a moment. He mumbled so quietly she only caught the end. "-thing."

"What?"

"You mean _every_ thing," he whispered, finally facing her, "to me." His eyes were puffy, bloodshot, and Usagi realized with a jolt why he'd kept his sunglasses on all day.

Her hands trembled and her heart wrenched and she realized that her pain she could handle, but his pain? That was unbearable, and what could they do? How could this have happened?

It can't happen again, he'd said, and she'd agreed, and it was with this still hanging in the air that he leaned over from his seat and kissed her. And his arms pulled her over to his side of the car and her legs opened to straddle his and her hands buried themselves in his hair, her lips opening under his.

She kissed his eyelids, and he cupped her cheek, murmured her name and she pulled back and their eyes met. This time Usagi allowed the acknowledgement, the acceptance, of what they were doing to reach her eyes, and she didn't pull away.

"I don't think this was supposed to happen," Mamoru said, softly. Usagi curled her fingers into the fabric of his t-shirt.

"But it did," she said, lifting pleading eyes to his. "It's already too late…"

He shut his eyes, leaning back against the headrest, his arms still tight around her, his fingers still curled through her hair.

"No one has to know," Usagi whispered, and he opened his eyes and looked at her. She swallowed, ashamed now, but … "If that's how it has to be to be with you then…"

Mamoru's eyes drifted lower, and he brushed his fingers against the bruise on her neck, his eyes unreadable. Then he pressed his lips to it, and Usagi felt the warm, tingly healing feeling before she even realized what was happening. Then the mark was gone, their secret safe. He still didn't let her go.

And, as it turned out, Mamoru didn't care that deeply about the sanctity of the car's upholstery after all.

* * *

The recap of the Nagano trip took place at Rei's a few days later, although there wasn't much to tell. Usagi shifted on her legs and hoped Luna wouldn't suggest training, which sometimes happened when meetings went short.

Last time they trained, she and Ami had to practice escaping a hug-hold with Makoto, which was fine, except that Rei and Minako got to practice with Mamoru and Usagi had thought she might faint with jealousy watching them.

"There _was_ an energy signature, but I couldn't pin it down," Rei said, resting her chin on the back of her hand. Seated next to her, Mamoru nodded.

"It didn't seem to be connected to a specific place in Nagano," he said.

"Anyway, once Usagi and Minako showed up, it completely dissipated," Rei's voice held no blame, merely a shrug, but Usagi bristled anyway. Minako briefly leaned her head on Usagi's shoulder.

"Are you suggesting that the princess' energy maybe interfered with the reading?" Ami said.

"I don't know," Rei said. "It was there, then it wasn't."

"Well, that's frustrating," Makoto said, leaning back against the wall and huffing.

"The princess is the key to this whole thing," Minako said, firmly. She turned to Usagi. "Did _you_ feel anything?

Usagi shifted again, twirling a strand of hair around a finger. "There was a storm," she said, finally.

"Yeah, we know," Rei said. "It was crazy, delayed our train a bit."

"It felt…" Usagi thought for a moment. "Meaningful…?"

Mamoru looked at her curiously, and she met his eyes with a half-shrug. It had, although not in the way the girls maybe meant it to.

Something had started, and something would be finished, and it would end with her hand in his.

It was early evening when everyone departed, Usagi walking a few steps without her purse just so Mamoru could hand it to her, fingers lingering on hers.

"Usagi!" Minako jogged up to her, sighed into the blue of her friend's eyes. "Stay a bit with me."

Usagi had watched the sun set from Mamoru's balcony the past few evenings, the soft breeze and his fingers caressing the skin beneath her skirt, promises murmured between kisses, open mouths, open buttons, and open endings… They had plans to meet tonight after the meeting, and had also run into each other - quite literally- on the way. Tokyo was full of alleyways and hidden places and Usagi knew stolen kisses only stayed secret for so long.

But this time no one saw anything, as his fingertips left a promise on her upturned wrist. He knew she'd follow, she knew he'd wait.

* * *

Minako leaned against the outside wall of the shrine, next to Usagi. The crows cawed a lullaby from the trees, Rei was inside closing up. "I meant it when I said you were the key to it all," she said.

Usagi didn't doubt it. But she didn't say anything.

"Don't you remember anything?" Minako continued.

But she didn't, not really. Beryl was true to her word about sealing all traces of Endymion away. Or perhaps it was being reborn that did it. After all, how many could say they remembered much about their past lives anyway? There was something, though, that Usagi thought might be a dream.

"I remember whispering," Usagi said, kicking up some dirt with her shoe, then looking up at the sunset streaking across the Tokyo sky. Venus was showing on the horizon. No moon yet. "I remember kissing someone I wasn't supposed to, and I remember whispering that no one has to know."

FIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow okay so I want to thank EVERYONE that commented or reviewed or left kudos or favorited I was really blown away by the reaction this fic got, I'm so happy it touched it chord with so many of you. Please, please, please let me know what you thought of this conclusion.
> 
> My eternal gratefulness to my beta Irritablevowel and the others in our fandom foursome ykwya.

**Author's Note:**

> I want to thank my girls in the group chat where we do everything from talk Bachelor and whale dick to feminism and politics, and then also me whining about how they need to go in google docs and comment on my fic because I’m needy af.  
> Extra special love to my platonic wife, I mean, beta, lrritablevowel!


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